Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Good Week, Bad Week

Good week for:

1. Picking up girls with a hybrid, as a recent study found that 9 out of 10 women would rather talk to man who drives a fuel-efficient vehicle rather than a sports car. The other 10% of women still prefer aggressive stick-shifting.


2. Enophiles, as researchers found, yet again, the benefits of red wine towards reducing the typical age-related decline in cardiac function (in mice). Lucky mice...when will they start human trials of red wine? I guess that wouldn't really work...no one would want to be in the placebo group.


3. The Fonz, as this article on the history of "thumbs up" credits Fonzie with reinvigorating the gesture. As you might know, in the days of the Roman Empire and gladiator fights, the crowd would give a thumbs up or thumbs down to indicate whether the gladiator would live or die. Contrary to popular belief, a thumbs up meant the gladiator was to die, a sign that your to get "outa here". Concealed thumb (thumbs down) meant the gladiator was to live. Interestingly, in Iran and Greece, the thumbs up is derogatory sign. Good to know....


Bad week for:

1. Stoners and pot-heads, as new research from Australia reveals that long-term pot smoking shrinks two important areas of the brain, the hippocampus and the amygdala. This explains a lot, about me, I mean, Australians.


2. Grocery bills, as a homeless woman was secretly living in the closet of an unsuspecting Japanese man for months. Apparently she hid a mattress in his closet, and would sneak out, shower, and eat his food when he wasn't home. He finally caught her by installing security cameras. I guess it's better than having your house infested with mice.


3. Having diarrhea in space, as the only toilet on board the space station has malfunctioned. Until a new pump is brought up to them, the astronauts will have to use plastic bags to contain their waste. Hope the bags don't break!



Anonymous said...

1. Who are these women and have they seen my car?
2. Do we really need to put more money into extending the lives of mice?
3. Note to self..do not hitch hike in Italy.
1. Steve..areas of the BRAIN.
2. Why didn't the guy just open his closet? Wouldn't that be more cost-effective than installing video cameras?
3. Tomorrow we'll discover that they found a way to use diarrhea as a new food source..

kath said...

Based on #1, I feel like we all know who this is.

Will said...

i agree but would uncle JJ ever not want credit for (he thinks) hilarious jokes?

and really Steve, you'd rather have strange humans invading your house than mice? I guess I have the benefit of Jack and Sam to half kill and then toy with them for hours until leaving the carcass in a discrete place. I don't know what they'd do with the mice though.

Anonymous said...

Uncle JJ does like credit for his hilarious jokes BUT that is outweighed by his being too lazy to open a login account...

also anonymous (i.e., dan) said...

If I buy an electric sports car, does that mean that I get to have a threesome? If so, how can I make sure that at least one of the chicks likes Star Wars?